So I’ve not posted for a few days , or tweeted or generally been in touch with the blogging world. That’s because to be honest, I’ve not been in the greatest frame of mind and have been battling one of my biggest demons.
Until Friday, I was a full time smoker. Yes a disgusting smelly smoker. And believe me it’s not something I’m proud of. Some of you might be thinking; so, what’s the matter with that. however, I have been worried of others thinking, why am I reading a beauty blog from someone who smokes, and goes against everything we have ever been told about keeping our skin and ourselves in general healthy. I know I would think exactly the same, but you know what there are a lot of things we do that we wish we hadn’t and over years people change and grow as people. Something I have definitely done over the years. That’s what I’m going to talk about today.
I was brought up around smoking, both parents and my sisters smoked, so it wasn’t something I saw as being really bad. There was never the amount of media surrounding it as there is now. I first dabbled into smoking with friends when I was about 12 years old. I can remember my first drag, it was the worst feeling. But back then, and around the friends I had, it was cool. If only I knew then what I know now, things would be sooo different. but that’s how it started, from then on I had the odd one here and there, until I started to crave and would sneak downstairs once my parents went to bed and role a few for the next day. I would sneakily have one out my bedroom window before school.
It wasn’t until we moved house when I was about 15, that my parents said “we know you smoke, we would rather you did it in the smoking room in the new house than sneak off upstairs” I was horrified that they knew, I can remember the first time I smoked in front of them, it was SO embarrassing!! But yeah, that was that, ever since I have been a full time smoker. Normally between 10-20 a day.
For me, it has always been second nature I have smoked for such a long time, that I couldn’t imagine my life without it. I’d say over the past 3-4 years I have tried quitting several times. And I don’t actually think I have gone a full day without it. Every time I’ve tried, I’ve felt down as though I am missing out on something amazing. Around June time I heard about the Easyway by Alan Carr and after some research I decided to download the book onto my Ipad. Over the next 2 weeks I read the book and following the instructions smoked my last cigarette. The following day I woke up and went to work as normal with the frame of mind I was a non-smoker. However I had a panic attack that morning and was sent home. I convinced myself a cigarette would make me feel better and had that first cigarette. It wasn’t a great relief like I had expected and after wards I felt so guilty and disappointed in myself. Yet again another failure.
Over the past year or so I have been convincing myself that smoking can wait while I try to lose weight. That was until last Sunday, actually whilst doing my #theSOproject post on concealer. Looking at those pictures I just could not believe the deep lines under my eyes (feel free to go have a gawp, there pretty bad). I’m 21 for goodness sake I know 30 year olds with better skin. Once I’d seen them that was it every day I kept staring at them until finally on Thursday I thought, enough is enough. I’ve had enough of this controlling me, making me smell bad etc. etc. so I said that’s it. This is my last packet. On Thursday night I smoked my last cigarette.
On Friday morning I woke feeling motivated. I’ll be honest, when I first woke up my brain went “Ciggie” but I ignored it. I bought an app in the morning called “stop smoking in 2 hours” and honestly I cannot tell you how much this has helped me. I have not gone a single day without a cigarette in about 8 years. This app has made me realise that smoking is a desire to get a feeling that non-smokers already have. Every time I have a craving the app has taught me to enjoy that feeling knowing I am killing that nicotine drug and my body is through the adjustment period a little more.
Like I mentioned above, I wasn’t going to post about this, however I think it’s an important and proud moment in my life. Smoking is an addiction, and it was something I took up when I was young, naive and plain stupid. I wasn’t interested in make-up, hair or anything beauty related for that matter, at that time in my life. I have changed since then, and I think this is a major step in my life and one that I am not ashamed to talk about. We all want to better ourselves, this was something I have been wanted to kick for years and I’m so happy I’ve finally found the courage to do it 🙂
It’s now been 71 hours since my last cigarette, you can see from the picture below how much has changed in that time already. I now have absolutely no nicotine running through my body! boohoo
I’m, sorry I haven’t posted in a while but I won’t lie and say the past few days have been easy, they have been horrific. But I’m over that initial withdrawal and ready to begin the rest of my life as a NON-SMOKER 🙂
I took a picture of my skin the day I quit, so lets keep an eye on how and if it improves 🙂
Thanks for reading guys, I really appreciate it.
Any questions let me know 🙂
Lots of love