As you may know if you read my relaunch post here, mental health is going to be a big topic on my corner of the internet moving forwards. When my anxiety was at its peak, quotes and affirmations were something I would spend hours researching. I thought every Monday I would share some of my favourites with you. Hopefully, they will help you in the same way they did me. This one in particular is one that has always been at the forefront of my mind. Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.
Before being diagnosed with panic disorder, I was so embarrassed of these episodes that I only told my boyfriend. When I eventually sought help and was signed off from work, I had no choice but to tell others too. You may have found yourself in a similar situation. If that is the case, let me tell you how this quote helped me.
Those who mind don’t matter
Its a bold statement, I know, and sometimes the lines are blurred on how this applies, but here me out. Have you ever encountered someone who has been rude to you surrounding your mental health? I certainly have. From the typical “get over it” or the dismissive “you don’t look like you have anything wrong” these are all times when people are not understanding of how you feel. In turn that makes you feel more ashamed and embarrassed of your illness. And you know what? you don’t need that on top of everything else.
As hard as it may be for you right now, anyone who doesn’t give you the time to explain a little of how you feel, or at least try to understand, doesn’t deserve your energy. It can be better spent getting yourself well again.
I know all to well when it is a loved one being unsupportive, Its a hard thing to deal with. For me the one person who just didn’t get it was my dad. No matter what state he saw me in, he would just tell me to pick myself up “it was all in my head” now I know he didn’t mean this maliciously, he just didn’t understand. For my own sanity I had to put him in the ‘don’t matter’ category. It was amazing how much that helped me to not stress about changing his opinion.
These days he is much more understanding, in fact just last week I was having a ‘moment’ in the car. I had voiced that I was feeling anxious (something I always do – I’ll delve into that in another post) and he just kept quite. Once we had walked round the local lake and got back into the car to go home, he asked “are you feeling better now?”. Guys I was SHOOK! Finally he had some sort of understanding that it was something that really effected me. But you want to know the best part. Because of this quote, I had no expectation from him to understand, and that in itself made the whole process of calming myself down so much easier.
Those that matter don’t mind
This part of the quote speaks for itself. These are the people who you know are there for you regardless. They may not understand exactly how you feel, but they will do their very best to and aren’t dismissive of your thoughts.
I was fortunate to have a handful of these people around that I knew would be there no matter what irrational thought was consuming me that day. From thinking being a passenger in a car meant an accident was inevitable, or that standing in a queue in my local Tesco was going to make me faint, those people were there and said “Its OK, take all the time you need”. I’m so thankful for those people, I couldn’t have done it with out them.
Surround yourself with these people, They love you and they will be there for you. Whether its a family member or a friend, let them know when your struggling, tell them how you feel. As a friend, I would never judge one of my friends. No matter what I will be their to help them. If you don’t feel like you have someone to confide in, send me an email. I know what it can feel like to not want to burden anyone with your emotions. But being in your own mind is not going to help either, you need to let it out. The whole point of me telling you all about this time of my life, is in the hope I can help you too. So please do get in touch.
How you can use this quote
Next time you find yourself in an encounter with someone who doesn’t understand, try saying this quote in your head. It really is incredible how it can change the way you perceive a situation. There is so much pressure these days to conform to what is deemed ‘acceptable’ by society. We should be, successful, ambitious, confident but actually, no. Be who you want. Be who you are, be you, unapologetically you. If you don’t want to do something because it makes you feel uncomfortable or will induce anxiety, then don’t. Because you know what? Those who mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind!
If you or someone close to you is fighting mental health issues, please remember it is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of and there are people who are able to help you. You can find various contacts on the NHS website here.